If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
NoShamevember. You game?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
