the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
