They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
