Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
