K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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