At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
