Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
