No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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