you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
