I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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