I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He kissed a someone with a penis
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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