How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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