She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
