I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
