turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
