we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
