i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
