After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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