Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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