Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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