well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
