I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
