Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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