I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
