In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I understand Curling. That high.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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