i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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