just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
