So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize