dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
