the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
