I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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