I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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