WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
