I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
