I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
