I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
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Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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