sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
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