thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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