Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
So here I am, sexting at work.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
