Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
