Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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