Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
