Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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