what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
