this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
