My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize