so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
