just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
