bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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