When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
