All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
