the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
