i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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