Your dad touched me again.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
