If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
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If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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