one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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