I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
