After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
