I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
