Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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