You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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