Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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