She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize