Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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