WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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