im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
