i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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