So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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