We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
This is the prime rib incident all over again
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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