I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
