thus making me awesome and them whores
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
