oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
