Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
