idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
