He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
