just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
